All of this information is true to the best of the posters knowledge and her documentation. Some of the documentation was generously provided by Mr. Updike thanks to his rush to run away from his marriage after 20 years. If he is such an upstanding, honest person who has integrity, morals and ethics, he should have nothing to hide. Seems to me he is running scared .................ain't that what all the deceitful, shameless and illegal actions are about. What if someone ACTUALLY believes his ex? Then what?
Legal Abuse Syndrome: " Victims are created in two ways: by violence or by deceit. Either type of assault immediately renders the victim hostage to the perpetrator(s)." A deceptive crime instantly takes the victim into a hostage relationship. It is essentially the "kidnapping" of the soul.
Mr. Updike not only physically assaulted his ex wife, he also lied to her and deceived her throughout their entire 23 year relationship. It wasn't enough for Rick to cheat, give his wife Herpes and verbally and emotionally abuse her, no, he had to assault her twice before abandoning her and all responsibility. He has since moved to a new level of victimization, using the legal system to try and further victimize her. He has lied repeatedly to the court, his attorney lies along with him all in an effort, (and so far quite successful thanks to the Judge ) to destroy the person who cared for him, supported him, took care of all the business and the family, never cheated on him , made him gourmet meals almost every night, and was the primary wage earner for most of their married life. She resigned herself to being a bike/hunting/kayaking skiing widow. Mr. Updike had tremendous freedom and exercised it regularly while his wife stayed home and raised their daughter, took care of the pets and the home.
Hervey Cleckley, M.D., Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Medical College of Georgiain his seminal work on antisocial personality disorder states the following:
THE MASK OF
SANITY
Typically
he is at ease and unpretentious in making a serious promise or in (falsely)
exculpating himself from accusations, whether grave or trivial. His simplest statement
in such matters carries special powers of conviction. Overemphasis, obvious glibness,
and other traditional signs of the clever liar do not usually show in his words
or in his manner. Whether there is reasonable chance for him to get away with
the fraud or whether certain and easily foreseen detection is at hand, he is
apparently unperturbed and does the same impressive job. Candor and
trustworthiness seem implicit in him at such times. During the most solemn
perjuries he has no difficulty at all in looking anyone tranquilly in the eyes.
Although he will lie about any matter, under any circumstances, and often for
no good reason, he may, on the contrary, sometimes own up to his errors (usually when detection is
certain) and appear to be facing the consequences with singular honesty,
fortitude, and manliness.
from rupdike rupdike@plainwell.org
to barb updike
<barb.updike@gmail.com>
date Tue,
Apr 24, 2007 at 1:49 PM
subject RE: in our best interests
Barb
First, I am deeply sorry about what has
happened. What I did was inexcusable, we both have to live with it and
there is no fixing it. You know all there is to know about my personnel (sic)
life away from you. Whatever steps you take, in court or out, are your
decision and I will just have to live with the outcome.
Friday night’s
stay was in very nice surroundings. I didn’t enjoy it much,
however. Because it is off-season it was much lower priced than my usual
home-away-from-home, the Comfort Inn here in Plainwell. (This was a lie)
I believe that I
told you I spoke at length with Donn Wolf about computers and the prevalence of
various cookies, spyware and attachments. I also spoke with Tony here in
Plainwell. He confirmed what Donn told me.
On the matter of
you spending as much time as you obviously spent searching my computer, I don’t
agree with you that it is your right. The situation that we now are
involved in is a great example of what can go wrong with such a
philosophy. I know I ruined your trust
and I guess this is my just dessert.
I don’t know how
to rectify this situation. We have a significant emotional and financial
investment that is evaporating. I’ll talk to Marci tonight. I can
work through the mechanics of readying and selling the house alone and
preparing for and instigating a divorce but having you work against me every
step of the way will surely be the ruin of both of us. At this point, I have no hope that we can
continue our relationship. I know you very well, you are no one to be
around when you have been wronged and I have wronged you. I won’t risk
ruining a civil moment by bringing my thoughts into the discussion of our
relationship at this time. I’ll talk to Marci and get back to you.
{In other
words, “Barb, I cheated on you and lied to you but it is your fault!”) Kinda like the drinking issue, eh Rick? And every other thing you did and lied
about. Never your fault. How about the Herpes? How have you explained that one to all the
other women you’ve screwed? Oh, thats
right, you never tell them, do you???}
Again, I have to
ask you to provide the code to answer our voicemail. I spent a bit of
time trying to figure out how to access the voicemail on our telephone system
last night without any results. I was not involved with the decision
concerning moving to Vonage or buying the new phone system and, frankly, I
don’t use it enough to be familiar with it. I can’t see where withholding
this information is doing either of us any good so please provide me with the
information I need and I will provide you with a list of the calls that concern
you.
{What’s the
matter Rick, were you afraid
Shafi or Laura had called and you couldn’t hide the evidence? Well, guess what, Vonage logged every call so
it really didn’t matter. I had the data
already. ;-) }
Rick
Updike, Superintendent of Public Works
City of Plainwell
126 Fairlane Street
Plainwell, Michigan 49080
Phone:
269-685-9363
Fax:
269-6857278
Rick Updike is a 56 year old competitive bicyclist, skier, kayaker,
who was married for 20 years and with his partner for 23 years. His behaviors resemble those of a sociopath. He is a chronic/pathological liar who can be
very charming and convincing yet has lied to everyone near him including the courts,
employers, police, therapists and friends. If allowed he may take
advantage of any woman, using her to care for his pets, make him meals and pay for meals out.
Those comments out of the way, how can you cope successfully with a sociopath/psychopath? First, remember that these people are Driven to Do Evil.
Just like you wake up every day and feel your drives and desires,
sociopaths/psychopaths wake up every morning and “It’s show time!”
Whereas your goals are intimately related to the love and compassion
you feel for others, a sociopath’s goals are intimately related to
his/her desire to gain power over others. If you don’t understand this
at the core of your being, you will not be able to deal with
sociopaths. Second, imagine a moment what your life would be like if
guilt, empathy and compassion did not enter into your decision making
processes. Imagine that your decisions were based solely on your
judgments regarding what would benefit you.
The Relentlessness of Deception
Sociopaths lie ALL the time. As they don't view you as a thinking,
feeling person, they do not see this behavior as wrong. Their only
quest is to serve themselves and, if this entails lying, cheating or
even criminal acts, they will do so. When you catch them in lies, they are
brilliant ( this may be a bit of a stretch calling Rick brilliant) at changing the subject, placing the onus on you, denying
their involvement or trying to make you seem crazy. They are even good
at deceiving the police and the court system; sociopaths rarely end up having legal consequences because of their actions. They are unscrupulous in their actions.
Patricia Evans seminal work on abusive men states that verbal and emotional abuse are the weapons most sociopaths use to intimidate and ultimately make their partners feel crazy. The goal here is "power over." Their initial charm soon turns into disdain for the partner, especially if she is expecting any type of emotionally fulfilling life with these men. Sooner rather than later they are either threatening to leave you or are out screwing around on you. If you catch them or try to question them, watch out, the explosion is about to occur.
If Mr. Updike starts to feel trapped, he will blame you, verbally abuse you and usually leave. As he is so proud of his "big dick, and tight ass" I'm sure he tells you quite frequently how lucky you are to be with him. I'm sure he's told you that he isn't like all the other guys who go to the bars at night. Nope, he just cheats on you during the day and/or when he's on his bike/hunting/kayaking trips. Has he told you he has Herpes Simplex II? Probably not. Blow jobs, his favorite, should be out of the question because of the Herpes.
He is a misogynist who uses terms in reference to women that are so offensive, they shouldn't be on-line. When he tells you he has never had conflicts with WOMEN, he's lying. This has been a pattern since he was in his late teens. I have the letters to prove it. Ask him about his buddy Clay. The one he lived with who ended up in Milan Federal Penitentiary. His ex has called the City of Monroe and Detroit to find out if there are any unsolved rapes of prostitutes from back in the early 70's. Mr. Updike told his ex about a month before he moved out that "Clay raped, beat and stole money from prostitutes" when he and Clay lived together in the early 70's. They worked at the Ford Stamping Plant in Monroe. What an odd thing to tell your wife after 23 years. ya' gotta wonder..................who else was involved???
Is Rick a sociopath??? You take the quiz. Then take it again in another six months..........you get the point? Rick cannot maintain a healthy relationship because it is ALL about him. He might be endearing at first, however when you end up being responsible for everything while he jaunts off to the next bike/kayak/ski race or hunting trip, failing to inquire as to whether you have any plans, it will begin to get old. During his 20 year marriage, he never asked his wife if she would mind him leaving for the week-end. He just announced it. There was NO negotiating. Never mind that he had a daughter and pets that needed to be cared for. That was woman's work.
See what you think, is Rick a sociopath??? Take the quiz.
Characteristics of a sociopath:
For each trait, you decide if it applies fully (2 points), partially (1) or not at all (0
points).
1. Do they have trouble sustaining stable relationships, both personally and in business?
Rick has literally abandoned two wives and several girlfriends........He wrote a letter to his mother in 1972 telling her "running away is no answer." Apparently he did not follow his own suggestion. Rick had a strong dislike for several colleagues over the years and has a strong dislike of the Supt. of Wastewater at the City of Plainwell.
2. Do they frequently manipulate others to achieve selfish goals, with no consideration of the effects on those manipulated ? Rick charged almost $1,400 in gasoline in a five month period. This equates to 500 gallons of gas for a 22 mile commute five days a week. You do the math. During this time his wife was withdrawing money from her retirement account to keep them solvent. He also withdrew hundreds of dollars via the ATM, yet charged everything he purchased. Where did all that money go??? He displayed no remorse for his behaviors and showed no concern about draining his wife's retirement account. He did not provide accurate information during the divorce process claiming he had no records. He did. In 2001, following a bicycle race in Marquette, MI Rick told an acquaintance of both parties that his wife had filed for a divorce and thus, she agreed to sleep with him. His wife had never filed for a divorce.
3. Are they cavalier about the truth, and capable of telling lies to your face ?
Rick wrote an email at 12:47 PM, Tuesday, 9/19/2006 unsubscribing to a dating site for bicyclists from his password protected email account at The City of Plainwell. His wife found the email on his computer on April 20, 2007. Rick denied writing it or knowing anything about it. He assaulted her about 20 minutes after she discovered the email and broke her finger. Rick stated that he had not been unfaithful and did not have Herpes Simplex in 2003 after his wife suddenly developed the Virus. His wife had always been faithful to Rick since meeting him in 1984. Rick admitted he had Herpes in the divorce interrogatories. Rick's failure to be honest resulted in his ex-wife waiting four years to get an HIV/AIDS test. His behaviors could have been a death sentence for his wife had he contracted other STD's via unprotected sex. Rick
stated to his wife and their marriage counselor as they were leaving their first appointment in May of 2007, "one affair ten affairs what's the difference?" A week
later Rick stated to his wife he had never made the statement. Dr. Pat Lyman, the marriage counselor,
affirmed to Rick's wife that he had, in fact, stated exactly that and
she had written it in her notes!
4. Do they have an air of self-importance, regardless of their true standing in society?
Rick would swear at his wife, call her names, threaten her with divorce, create arguments and then blame his wife and leave the home heading to the bar or a hotel. All of this was charged to their joint account. He refused to accept blame for any of their problems telling her she was fuckin' crazy. PROJECTION
5. Have they no apparent sense of remorse, shame or guilt?
Rick walked out after 23 years, never said good-bye, never once apologized for his behaviors, never came back to see his dogs, one of which was his hunting dog, alleged under oath that his wife had taken actions that threatened his life, which was not true and has continued to use the legal system to harass his wife in hopes that he can silence her from telling people the truth about his activities. It is his ex's opinion, based on the information she was able to gather through the use of a forensic computer analyst, that Rick was engaged in on-line sex and chat, pornography, and numerous affairs. In 2005, he stated in an email to his friend Donn Wolf, "I know I'm a selfish SOB, I don't need her to tell me that. I'm not responsible for her happiness." This was written less than two months after his wife had reconstructive surgery following her mastectomy in late 2004. In February 2007, Rick wrote an email to a person who kayaked with him stating that he wanted to drive with this person to Wisconsin for a whitewater trip. In this email, he stated that he had a "logistical" matter to attend to as he was supposed to drive his wife to her parent's home in Wisconsin. He told the individual, "he would never think of subjecting this man to several hours in a car with his "lovely spouse" and would figure out a way to "ditch her." Be careful, you could be next and you will never know unless you stumble across information. Mr. Updike believed his wife violated his right to privacy. Actually, he was confusing "privacy" with "secrecy." No one has the right to secrecy.
6. Is their charm superficial, and capable of being switched on to suit immediate ends?
Rick could be very kind, especially if he was just about to inform his wife he was leaving for the week-end with his buddies again for a race, hunting or kayaking trip.
7. Are they easily bored, and seem to demand constant stimulation?
Rick always found some type of activity to engage in and appeared to have difficulty sitting still. Most activities did not include his family. His hobbies took precedence over everything else in his life.
8. Are their displays of human emotion shallow and unconvincing?
Rick seldom demonstrated affection toward his family. If he gave his wife a hug, it was always accompanied with the suggestion they have sex. Whe he admitted to cheating on his wife with a friend of hers, he demonstrated no remorse and behaved as tho' nothing had ever been said out of the ordinary. He never wanted to discuss it again. He has demonstrated no remorse for the failure of his marriage and hs made repeated efforts to have his ex put in jail, making false statements about her threatening his life, stalking his house, sending him "bogu" emails and emailing his neighbors. He and his attorney repeatedly have used blatant lies and untruths in court, have altered emails and then used them to file contempt charges against her and have lied repeatedly under oath about finances, false crime reports and false PPO's.
9. Do they enjoy taking risks, and acting on reckless impulse?
Rick races bicycles, does whitewater canoing, has unprotected sex and can become enraged over minute things in an instant. Having unprotected sex in this day and age is asking for a death sentence. Hope he still is reckless in his behaviors., if ya' catch my meaning, if ya' get my drift.
10. Are they quick to blame others for their mistakes ?
March, 1987; Rick will stop drinking if his wife doesn't hassle him...... January, 2008; I think you gave ME herpes LOL These are actual statements either written or spoken by Rick. It is all smoke and mirrors. Rick blames his former wives for the failure of his marriages. Sorry bud, you're the one who screwed up.
11. As teenagers, did they resent authority, play truant and/or steal?
Out of the blue in April of 2007, he told his wife that when he was young, his best friend with whom he lived, Clay Childress, raped, beat and stole money from prostitutes. Clay spent eight years in Milan Federal Penitentiary. He is now dead.
12. Do they have no qualms about parasitically sponging off others?
Rick siphoned hundreds of dollars from their joint bank account. His wife had funded much of the account by taking money from her retirement accounts. It is her opinion that he used the money to pay for porn and possibly prostitutes. He left his wife when she was unemployed...guess the meal ticket ran out. Rick told his ex that he had never borrowed money from his parents, chastising his older brother for doing so. In letters he'd written to his family that he left behind when he disappeared in 2007, he writes about his parent's continued financial support for him. This went on for several years in the early 70's. Why couldn't he find a decent job????
13. Are they quick to lose their temper ?
Rick could fly into a rage at the drop of a hat. Near the end of the marriage, he assaulted his wife twice, pushing her through the drywall the night before abandoning her after she attempted to show him the evidence found by the forensic computer analyst supporting the fact that he had been accessing hard core pornography from their home computer. He became infuriated with his wife, swearing at his wife when she discovered hundreds of pornographic images on his work computer in February of 2007. He refers to woman as fuckin' cunts and unholy cunts when he cannot get his way with them. On April 27, 2007 at 4:45 PM in Panera on W. Main Street in Kalamazoo, when he met with is wife after she returned to Kalamazoo following his physical assault of her on the evening of april 20, 2007 she asked him why he always became angry and left the house when she tried to discuss important issues in their marriage. Rick stated, (yes Rick, I documented the entire conversation as soon as I left and went back to Marci's) "I want to physically harm you, I want to hit you." End of Story. Now, whadaya think about that statement? Of course he will deny it and tell you his ex is crazy. Find out for yourself...............
Call her, she's still in the book under his last name. She will gladly share all the documentation; notes, phone records, recordings of telephone conversations, emails, logs of Rick's Internet activities, copies of his profile on sex sites, various email accounts he set up over the years, a breakdown of the financial records that prove he was draining her back account,....... she's got it all.
14. Are they sexually promiscuous
Rick gave his wife Herpes and denied being unfaithful until she confronted him with a picture of his erect penis he posted on Adultfriendfinder.com indicating he was bisexual. He then stated he had cheated on her but only once. It is her opinion that he had been cheating on her for years following this conversation and by the evidence uncovered during the forensic analysis of their home computer as well as phone records and mileage.
15. Do they come across as belligerent?
Rick regularly yelled at and cursed his wife, calling her a fuckin' bitch and telling her she was fuckin' crazy. He would then leave the home and go to a bar or hotel. Rick pushed his step daughter backwards down a flight of stairs when they lived in Mankato, MN. His wife demanded that he go to counseling after that insident. However, few sociopaths ever change./ They often fool psychiatrists and psychologists. Rick threatened his colleague, Brian Pond, in a meeting they were having with their boss. It was mentioned in passing in his 2006 Performance Evaluation. However, no one ever shared this with the HR Manager. Apparently the boss, Erik Wilson, hasn't had much training in workplace violence.
16. Are they unrealistic about their long-term aims?
Outside of his fantasies that he is another Lance Armstrong or that he is going to find some 23 year old Playboy bunny who will fall deeply and madly in love with him, I cannot observe this. He would have to define what "a long term aim" means to him. However, he had a retirement account that he failed to disclose in the divorce proceedings and in nine years, it actually LOST money. This was in February of 2008, long before the economic meltdown.
17. Do they lack any ability to empathize with others - to see themselves in the same situation?
Rick pushed his wife out of his truck two days after her mastectomy 9/23/2004 .... he dropped her off for general surgery and went deer hunting 11/15/2005. in 1985, Rick's then girlfriend/now ex wife became pregnant. When she informed him of the situation, he immediately broke up with her, telling her he had intended to do so before she told him about the pregnancy. He disappeared and left her on her own to make a decision about the pregnancy. Once things were resolved, Rick was more than willing to rekindle the relationship. His wife was just downright stupid.......live and learn. Rick's employees do not care for him and describe him as aloof and uncaring.
18. Would you regard them as essentially rash and irresponsible?
Oh, I don't know, you decide.................. He gave his wife herpes and denied having been unfaithful. He failed to assist his wife in preparing the marital home so as to list it with a Realtor. His actions in this exact instance resulted in a loss of more than $50K in equity in the home. He could easily have contracted other STD's including HIV/AIDS yet lied to his wife about his infidelity for more than four years. The only reason he admitted his indiscretion was because his wife had found his profile, erect penis and all, on a web site designed to find sex partners. He has punched holes in walls, broken dishes, thrown tools, threatened divorce for 19 years, failing to fulfill obligations and promises to his spouse and his family.
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY
- When Rick first met his
wife, he had another girlfriend, Sue, whom he failed to disclose to his
"new" girlfriend.
- His ex found out about Sue because her friend, Jeff S., after finding out she was "dating" Rick informed her that Rick had been with Sue at a ski race in Munising, Michigan the prior week-end.
- Mr. Updike informed his
now ex that he had no feelings for Sue and was just USING her for
sex.
- Rick gave his wife
herpes in 2003 AND DENIED BEING UNFAITHFUL
- Consider that this jerk
didn't have the courage or decency to admit to HIS WIFE he had given her
herpes, even when she developed breast cancer and had to have a
mastectomy. Do you think he is going
to tell you he has it?
- He dropped his wife off at the front for of the Univ Of Michigan Hospitals for general surgery and went deer hunting. He turned off his phone and showed up over two hours after his wife was ready to be released. Needless to say the staff at U of M were not happy with him.
- He wrote to his good buddy Donn in February of 2005, two months after his wife's reconstructive surgery ,"I know I'm a selfish SOB, I don't need her to tell me that. I'm not responsible for her happiness." He was mad that his wife wanted him to save some vacation time to spend time with her. He was not interested because he wanted to go on another "boys" outing.
- In February of 2007, his
then wife discovered hundreds of pornographic photos saved on his work
computer. He is paid with taxpayer
dollars!!!
- A few months later his
now ex found cookies to www.adultfriendfinder.com on his work
computer.
- Oddly,
Rick agreed to go to marriage counseling after the first time he assaulted
his wife in April of 2007. As they
were leaving the therapist's office following the first session, Mr.
Updike stated, "one affair, ten affairs, what's the
difference?"
- In 2003, he told a
mutual male friend of theirs that he had fucked hundreds of women and
didn't care what they looked liked.
- He finally admitted
cheating on her when she confronted him with his profile she found on www.adultfriendfinder.com. She still has the document. His eczema gives him away .
- He trolls at the local
bars and is very interested in finding younger women, 25 to 45.
- In March of 1987 he wrote in his bike
training calendar, "Rick might stop drinking if (his now ex-wife)
doesn't hassle him too much."
THIRD PERSON, kind of strange, eh? He did NOT stop drinking, so guess whose
fault it was?
- He assaulted his wife
shortly thereafter in May of 1987 because she refused to share a room with
him and another man at a bicycle race in Wisconsin.
- He was also very active
on www.MySpace.com,
a rather unusual site for a 55 year old man.
- He assaulted his wife
twice in 2007 after she found all the porn and an email unsubscribing to www.cyclingsingles-list.com. He sent the email from work the same day his in-laws came for a visit, 9/19/2006.
- He still drinks heavily
and smokes pot.
- He was calling several
women from his work cell phone (which he began to hide following the porn
discovery) and these same women were calling him at home when his wife was
away.
- Rick has repeatedly
refused to assist in any way in selling the marital home yet still gets
50% of the proceeds.
Once a cheater, always a cheater! Once a liar, always a liar! You always know the end in the beginning, as
long as you pay attention to the signs.
Consider this a public service announcement.
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