most 15 year olds are angsty and depressed
like you.
most 15 year olds are irritated and see themselves as more independant than they are in reality
like you.
most 15 year olds think they are so cynical and jaded when in reality they haven't hardly seen enough to make them such
like you.
i'm not calling you immature but i am saying that this too shall pass and from my perspective i will tell you that this angsty and depressed worldview is not unique to you. i went through the exact same thing when i was your age and i managed to have a more peaceful and even perception of the universe because of it.
my advice? get out, have fun, make friends, give up your insecurities, let go
people will like you more, and when people like you more you like yourself more.
if you don't allow yourself to wallow in your fears, anxiety, self-loathing, et cetera, you will be a much much happier girl and you will see your life taking an upward turn.
it may sound cheesy, but it really is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. i've been hurt many times by many different people, but i've also had some good relationships and without the bad ones, how would i know what a good one was?
even though you are a gloomy nihilist now, allow yourself to get past it and find a more life-affirming philosophy. yes, there is not much time before our earth is destroyed, but why not enjoy the time we have?
live, love, and be happy, for tommorrow we die, and who knows what comes after death?
in conclusion, you do sound genuinely depressed and i think you need help. even if your parents can't afford a therapist you need someone who you can talk to about all of this. there is nothing wrong with depression, per se, it is a mental illness, not a subculture, and like any illness it can be 'cured'. not with pills and medicine, but with talking and gentleness. refusing to get help is like refusing to go t the doctor when you are vomiting blood and unable to move because of pain.
peace, love, and best of luck to you |